I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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