You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
