i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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