I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's never too late to be topless.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
