Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
