While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm like, not good at living.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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