Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
