The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
