so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
