I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize