did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
