brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
