Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
