Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
from now on my penis is your penis
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize