Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
