Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
