i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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