Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
