The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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