I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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