im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
