New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
