It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize