The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
