I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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