but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
