I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
