take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
