My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
