Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
