i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
