we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
