wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
