Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it hurts more in the daytime
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Houston, we have a squirter
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We have started to decorate penises.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
