sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
