My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
