Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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