your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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