I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
