Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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