textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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