I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
