She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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