I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
