are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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