I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
What happened to fro yo and sex?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
