Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
