what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
