He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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