Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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