I didn't shave. On purpose
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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