i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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