What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My dick has a subreddit
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
