I'm really into asian looking animals
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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