I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
When are your genitals available?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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