Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
