Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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