just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
