you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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