I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
