Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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