He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
