I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We need to get me chipped asap
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
