I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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