my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
