ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
